Mental health related notes, thoughts and information from a semi-anonymous mental health service user. Hello. Haven’t written in a while. I don’t know what to say on here anymore. I have lost the will to be anything other than a boring person. I don’t know what or how to feel, I bore myself to tears, I am scared of boring everyone around me. I’m feeling really suicidal. Not that… [Read more…]
March 10, 2012
I want to know what it is like not to be anxious, not to be worried, not to be unhappy in my skin and with my mind, not to be cautious, not to be wary of my closest, dearest humans. I want to have 5 minutes break from feeling lost and low and like I… [Read more…]
March 2, 2012
Well my care co-ordinator finally called back and the news was good. I have been picked up by Dr something or other for long term psychotherapy in his/her team. I don’t know when it will start, I just know that they have cast off CBT as they don’t think the model fits my diagnosis or… [Read more…]
March 1, 2012
I never think about things when they are happening. I just let them happen to me. They pass me by and then months or years later they might pop up. If they pop up it’s not usually good. If they don’t it means I never gave a fuck in the first place. When Dr R… [Read more…]
February 28, 2012
Scariness abound, I got sent to panel. Still nothing from my psychologist in the old borough. She has failed me spectacularly. I was with her for a year, having assessment after assessment, which led me to believe they didn’t believe me, they thought I was a malingering speck and they had no room for me… [Read more…]
February 6, 2012
This is something I wrote about three or four weeks ago when I was in a bad place. I’m only posting it so you can see the contrast between this post and my last post which is much more positive. It’s good to see the difference. “I was doing really well, I honestly was. I… [Read more…]
February 6, 2012
Always keep a diamond in your mind. It’s a lyric from a Tom Waits song of the same name. And it couldn’t be a better philosophy to match that perennial, newer, triter term ‘stay strong’. Keep the diamond in your mind, crystal clear and unsullied by shit thoughts and dark skies. It seems simple really.… [Read more…]
January 19, 2012
Don’t get too excited. I am being referred to a new CMHT in my new borough. I only got discharged from my p-doc in my old borough. Anyway, it’s a discharge at least so hooray I am officially a little bit less nuts than I was. I love my old CMHT. It’s so funny. On… [Read more…]
January 19, 2012
Starting over is one of the hardest things I have experienced, and I am continuing to experience it, six months on after starting over. It’s weird for me to admit that, as starting over is the one thing I have done most in my life, and if anyone should be able to do it well,… [Read more…]
January 13, 2012
It’s been a while since I’ve written. It’s mostly because I am bored of the words I type and I’m sure you’re all bored of the trash I write too. But in the spirit of trying to keep the fizzle-arse flame alive I’m writing now. It’s a general update, folks. As the title of this… [Read more…]
March 24, 2012
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